Rivals (Disney+) 

Rating: 5/5 stars

Oh, the wickedness! The lust! The language! The bums and boobs, the rear ends and full frontals! Rivals is back and it’s enjoying itself far too much.

‘Welcome to the naughtiest show on television,’ coos Emily Atack, as a small-screen gossip-slinger.

She’s all front and lip gloss, under a mushroom cloud of hairspray. This is the fantasy version of the 1980s, where the definition of good manners is waiting till sex is over before lighting your cigarette.

The all-star cast know exactly what we expect and they deliver it by Rolls-Royce. There isn’t a dull scene, not a dead moment.

Also not dull and not dead is the villainous TV mogul Lord Tony Baddingham (David Tennant), who appeared to have his brains knocked out with an awards statuette at the end of the first series.

Like a Jurassic Park dinosaur coming back to life, his eyes flicker open, and he’s as ghoulishly alive as ever, intent on bringing down his oversexed nemesis, Rupert Campbell-Black (Alex Hassell).

Also back is Aidan Turner’s magnificent moustache, like an otter with an afro draped across his face.

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David Tennant, Nafessa Williams, Katherine Parkinson and Danny Dyer attend the ‘Rivals’ Season Two World Premiere at BFI IMAX Waterloo on May 13, 2026 in London

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Rivals series two more than lives up to its opening run according to critics heralding its return

The only character we’ve lost since the show’s launch two years ago is writer Jilly Cooper, whose death aged 88, after a fall at her home last year, shocked and saddened everyone who knew her.

Her spirit is very much present, though, in every outsized G&T, and we’re told she approved the early scripts.

Jilly never denied rumours that her rollicking hero Rupert was based on the Queen’s first husband, Andrew Parker Bowles. But we get the most brazen of hints that another Randy Andy might also have been her inspiration.

‘I’m trying to behave honourably,’ RCB pleads to sweet, lovestruck Taggie (Bella Maclean), as he explains why he pledged eternal adoration, then dumped her for unprincipled adventuress Cameron (Nafessa Williams).

Much of the opening episode takes place at a polo match, another of Dame Jilly’s favourite activities.

Toffs on ponies don’t exert much telly appeal, as Prince Harry proved with his Netflix series about the sport, but Rivals wisely ignores the action on the field and concentrates on the sideline shenanigans.

If you’ve ever wondered what spectators enjoy about polo, the constant close-ups of women gazing in drooling awe at male backsides in jodhpurs will give you a clue.

But that’s subtle stuff compared to the pre-match larks at the sponsor’s swimming pool.

‘No skinny dipping!’ screeches Valerie (Lisa McGrillis), wife of money-man Freddie (Danny Dyer), and of course everyone ignores her — including Sebbie and Dommie, known as the Heavenly Twins, so identical that it’s rumoured they can only be told apart by their willies.

None of this is for the easily offended. Squaring up to Lord B, Aidan Turner’s magnificently conceited journalist Declan O’Hara declares, ‘You can make television without being a c***, Tony.’

‘Not nearly so much fun,’ is the leering reply.