Members Of The Royal Family Attend St Mary Magdalene Church In Sandringham

He could be lonely this Christmas, without titles to hold… (Image: Getty)

As we tuck into our Christmas Day turkeys just be glad of one thing – you’re not at Royal Lodge with Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. It’s his and Sarah Ferguson’s last ever festive feast at the 30-room mansion, in Windsor, but despite the burning wood crackling in their fireplace it will be a cold, sombre affair.

And as Mud might have sung in their 1975 Yuletide chart hit, “it’ll be lonely this Christmas without titles to hold”. Both Fergie and Andrew have hidden in the trenches since overseeing the historic fall of the ‘House of York’ – courtesy of their prolonged link to shamed dead paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

This summer old emails between Fergie and the US convicted child sex trafficker have come to light in which she referred to him as her “supreme friend” – after previously vowing to cut all links.

Meanwhile Andrew’s own links to Epstein also sunk his reputation and saw him lose all his royal and military honours and titles – they must now leave Royal Lodge in 2026.

 

3rd "Knights Of Charity

Sarah Ferguson will be waving goodbye to Royal Lodge soon (Image: Getty)

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Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie will be festive no-shows, with Eugenie likely to relax in Portugal while Beatrice is considering taking her family to King Charles and the safer surroundings of Sandringham.

So how could festivities play out for Andrew, either on his lonesome or if Fergie decides to join him one last time.

Decorations are reportedly sparse on the ground at the Grade II-listed pile as perhaps only a handful of guests are likely to be brazen enough to show their faces – and be publicly excoriated for it.

None of the girls’ bedrooms have their usual glittering seasonal décor as there seemed no point – they are not coming.

And with smaller staff, who are preparing to move to Sandringham with Andrew in the New Year, there has been no traditional York staff party.

In fact it’s the first time Andrew’s faced the situation where Windsor Castle gardeners sent over to work on the Royal Lodge grounds have not had to bow or scrape, apparently much to his fury – as he’s no longer a Duke, a Prince or an HRH.

The Funeral Of The Duchess Of Kent

Andrew may be seeing in Christmas on his own (Image: Getty)

So forget the awkwardness of Andrew possibly tucking into his turkey alone at the head of a long, empty table – on Christmas Eve will any creature there be stirring?

For a bit of festive fun, if we were to amend the opening of Clement Clarke Moore’s famous poem ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ for Andrew’s last Christmas at Royal Lodge it could end up like this:

“‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Royal Lodge

All the creatures stirring said “Let’s get the hell out of Dodge!”

Two stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

One for Andrew – the other for his teddy bear;

His children weren’t nestled all snug in their bed,

Because Christmas with him could leave business deals dead;

So Andrew with a whiskey threw off his golf cap,

And said “Bugger this Christmas – I’m off for a nap!”

Merry Christmas to all our readers – and I hope it’s a lot more festive than Andrew’s.